I used to feel repulsed by checking on my bank account balances when I was deep in credit card debt 5 years ago, however there was something that helped release me from that scarcity mindset. It wasn’t meditation, or having a positive outlook on life but actually an exercise I call “debt dating.” Every Friday at 3pm I would pull out my debt and actually sit with it for 20 minutes and write the balances out on paper. No spreadsheets, no apps etc. It took 3 weeks but finally those numbers that used to freak me out so much just became numbers on a piece of paper as mathematical problems that needed to be solved.

The biggest behavior change that helped was treating paying off debt like meal prep for the week. On Sunday night, I would prepare 5 envelopes with cash for the 5 spending categories for the week. When an envelope was empty, that category was done. No more anxiety about how much I spent in restaurants — I could physically see the envelope empty.

Every Wednesday lunch for the last 2 years I have gone for a 30-minute walk. On that walk I outline and talk through one debt solution option. Some weeks that option has been settlement and others it has been consolidation.

Finally, it was helpful to separate the work of sorting through emotions around money from the work of dealing with the finances themselves. On Tuesdays, I wrote about my money fears in a journal and called a friend to talk about how awful I felt. But on Thursdays, I called the creditors and filled out their forms. And within 8 months, I had negotiated down 3 credit cards and consolidated the rest into one lower-interest card with one payment.

Corina Tham — Sales, Marketing and Business Development Director, CheapForexVPS

Many people feel like they are underwater with their debt and don’t know how they are going to get back to the surface. I have worked with a simple exercise called “debt mapping” that helps people get out of their paralyzed state and start dealing with their debt. Take a piece of paper and draw three columns: the first column is what you owe; the second column is what you spend money on to live your life daily; the third column is what is negotiable. What I have found is that between 30% to 40% of what people owe can be negotiated.

For the behavioral change portion, it’s helpful to establish a “financial floor” — what are the basic expenses for housing, food, medication? Once you have your financial floor, then you can work on debt relief programs. All of the money above your floor is your debt to pay back in the best manner possible.

I then have clients work in “worry windows” where they allow themselves to worry about their finances for a set amount of time — I like 15 minutes a day — and write down their worries between sessions to deal with in the following day’s worry time. This contains the mental spiraling that often occurs.

It is equally important to match debt relief options with the individual’s level of tolerance for confrontation and unpredictability. While the numbers matter, it is more important to choose an option you can stick to.

Ace Zhuo — CEO | Sales and Marketing, Tech & Finance Expert, TradingFXVPS

The first thing I do is get the worst-case scenario out loud. The exercise puts the fear in a sentence — a sentence that can be answered, that is not vague or amorphous.

Then I run a 30-minute triage. All debts listed by type, interest rate, and balance. That is the one thing that makes clients feel informed before overwhelmed. Most advisors skip straight to solutions. So I start with a “control audit”: what can they do today, and what can’t they do today? One good plan: “three little moves before we meet again.”

Most clients do not know what they are actually being charged. Borrowers overestimate their total debt by 20–30% under pressure. The first exercise I give them is a full debt audit — all balances, all interest rates, all minimum payments. No one has to live in a scarcity mindset; it lives in the space between what you think you owe and what you actually owe.

Afterwards, each relief option is evaluated separately for cash flow, credit position, and timeline. When deciding on settlement, DMPs, or consolidation all at once, you are not making progress — you are paralyzing. Structure does the emotional work.

I also provide clients with a weekly money window: one hour per week for anything to do with debt. Stressed borrowers typically review their accounts 8–10 times a day — and the checking only makes them more stressed. Delaying is not ignoring; that’s what makes it possible to think clearly when it matters.

Shaun Bettman — Principal | Mortgage Broker, Eden Emerald Mortgages

One task that really works: take five minutes before opening any bills or looking at any debt relief options to simply write down how your finances were when things were alright with you, even if only slightly. People seeking debt relief are already under stress, and their scarcity mindset creates a situation where everything seems equally bad. This five-minute “baseline financial picture” task is not therapy — it is a simple technique to interrupt the thinking pattern and move one’s mind out of survival mode into problem-solving mode, which is key to making a rational decision when choosing among debt settlement, a DMP, and consolidation.

Once this is done, separate the analysis into two categories: “what I can control today” and “my choice now.” Trying to solve both at once is what paralyzes people and keeps them from taking any action.

Scott Brown — Founder, MintWit

Extreme money anxiety can make you view choices like consolidation or debt management plans as a sign of personal failure. You can remove all emotional weight from your decisions by using a paper exercise to change how you view your options.

First, write down three different ways you could handle your debt. Next, label each option with a letter — without using any financial terms that might remind you of the personal shame and guilt you feel about your situation. Then, look at each option based solely on facts. For example, if one option will pay off the debt faster than another and has a lower monthly payment, those are facts.

By looking at your options in this manner, you separate your personal identity from the money problem. You transform what is generally a terrifying life crisis into a straightforward business decision.

Gary Gray — CEO, CouponChief.com